7 29 2015 | life ∞ love | chapter 56 — onward

7
29
2015

life ∞ love

chapter 56 — onward

———

“God wants us to grow up.”

Andre Agassi

———

t'was mid-afternoon
~ 93 degrees
air
wethot humidity
no breeze

nyc

@ Columbus Circle approximately,
on return from a writing session
had @ fordham university
as
fathoming on
the decision to be made
when
heat
hunger
cosmic whirl of city
goes like

ping!

he stops on the spot.
blood starts simmering.
boiling.
temptations,
connivingly arising.
pressure points,
arrested.
adrenaline + cortisol
stress hormone spectrum
unleashed
like vicious protein-venom,
unwinding the logic w/ raging vengeance.
circulation tightening.

temptation
temptation
you son of b*tch
&
botch’d on the spot,
@ loss for what to do,
yeah…
it happen like that

and so there stood blondyn,
frozen
midafternoon
via
midsummer night heat
w/ a trial @ hand
& fantastically stuck
as passerbys
do so,
wondering like:

“where he staring into?”

meanwhile
deep breaths be had
test
well underway,
out the midst of imagination,
the Rubicon appears,
Ring of Fire,
about us,
bound to be crossed,
one way or another,
changed forever —

fly or die moment.

deeper breaths be had.
concrete jungle behind
central park before.
started walking.
an unthinking automaton.
unwilling to truly trust
just
walk
walk
walking
in central park,
& had a seat,
meditation,
aka,
forwarding of all thought
via
One Direction

the practice has become regular,
but the evil had hit hard.
keep focus’d, anyhow
on One Direction
harder & harder
longer still…
minutes —
hours —
eternities go by,
leaving us behind —
til simultaneously
like —

ping!

opened eyes.
meditative focus,
instilled lazar-like,
even still —
a tunnel of vision that sustains,
in a strange way
akin to permanence…
right then
a phrase, recited —

“I am the master of my fate—
I am the captain of my soul—“

it occurs to him
a new light on —
the Way by which
he’s going to see, hear, think —
One Direction,
like magically,
the one and only way there be.

more images flash —

he thinks on the ‘Condensate,’ sign
in his storage room crib
strewn on the pipe
that run across the room
to the light.

he thinks 'to Condense’
and then,
some more deeply
on this place of living
for nearly the past ~ 3 years

he hears —

onward

onward beyond this.
he continues to think.
sees difficulty.
great challenge.
but
mind heart soul
knows 4 real,
now for certain
the journey
must
go on…

onward

he remembers a passage
from Andre Agassi,
Open
about the tennis pros’s meeting
w/ Nelson Mandela—

“…Mandela talks about the road he’s traveled.
He talks about the difficulty
of all human journeys—
and yet, he says,
there is clarity and nobility
in just being a journeyor.
When he stops speaking,
and takes his chair
I know that my journey,
compared with his,
is nothing,
and yet that’s not his point.
Mandela is saying that every journey is important,
and that no journey is impossible…”

no journey is impossible

and what’s more,
it’s occurs to blondyn
his particular journey,
at the core
isn’t even about him,
but all that has yet to be —
yet to come —
all that remains
to be created b/w us —
a value
that has yet to be proven…
and what to prove?

onward

— the inner voice rings,
and as so,
something evolving beyond…
a new sensibility…
shrewd responsibility
demanded of him—
that’s always been demanded of him—
yet never til now
so wholesomely acknowledged

“why did it take so long?”
— the Q
that presents itself
to b
like Primetime Wonder,
but it doesn’t matter —
time, now.
presence, be
& w/ it,
a newfound commitment
to our journey
beginning.

“…I am now more nearly a grown member of the human race…”

says Agassi

& so like that,
it happened
that yet another turn of the wheel
changed blondyn’s state
in a way
with which
he was unfamiliar,
but nonetheless

open

and being open,
the decision
to deliver the journey

onward

beyond right / wrong
however it go,
do remember,
it all happened
a long time ago,
in a galaxy far,
far away…

blondyn

CC
2015
blondyn.com